It has been awhile since I have been here, mainly because I was having issues figuring out a few things. But here we finally are.
This is the beginning of a story, my story, of learning my God will provide. It is a story of Lows before the Highs.
Back in January of 2014, I was in a very dark place. I honestly felt as if there was a time God had forgotten me and had left me in a horrible place to just live out my days till death. My wife, I and our 4 kids were not happy at all. Yes, we were blessed with a roof, food, and transportation, but we felt as if we were on an Island all alone and so far from our friends(distance wise) that we were literally alone. I had gone from being very successful on my own in Real Estate to returning to the family company (same industry) and was now making a 1/5th of what we were making. I believed it to be a journey so I could help my family and be a witness to them, but with every passing day, all the issues we had wrestled with in the past only grew in their size. I was getting no where and frustration was setting in. I had left all this 8 years prior and done well for 5 years on my own, but now I was in a financial whole that was getting bigger by the moment.
This frustration boiled over into our daily routine as a family and tempers were short, stress was high, and being captivated in a one bedroom, one bath house with lots of issues was not helping. Everytime I tried to convince myself God was going to do something good from this, another bad thing happened and our situation would worsen. I was ready to leave it all behind again but was unable to do so because of my financial situation plus I resided on a family farm and had no money to either rent or buy anywhere else.
I felt HOPELESS.
My wife and two other friends were the only ones I could confide in. My world was so small and getting smaller, and for a guy who loves people, this was causing major issues. I would wrestle in my brain with situations and and I would let m y family "have it" in my mind. Yet if I said it outloud, my whole world could come crushing in.
The tipping point came on January 8th when our water froze and a genius decided to pour gas on our well tank to unthaw the top in order to work on the lines. This allowed gas to enter the water supply and my wife was at the end of her rope. So her and the kids moved to her moms house till the issue could be resolved and I stayed behind to handle the chores of feeding our sheep, chickens, dogs, and cats.
So now not only had I gone from success to the brink of financial ruin, now I was having to face the challenges alone in my house. I cried to God and said, "What are you doing?"
The years prior my walk was amazing. I could hear His voice as I walked in the fields and I could learn at His feet in the middle of His creation, all the while, He was more than providing for my needs. Now He seemed to have moved on and left me to fend for myself, literally.
As I pondered these things, God brought me to a book I had not read since middle school. It was the Auto-biography of George Mueller - and this is where the Journey of remembering began.......